My Shameful Secret Read online

  “Err…” The words are a bit strong, but since she’s uttered them in such an admiring tone, I’m not sure whether I’m being insulted or not.

  “This is Mr. Bryant’s doing, isn’t it?”

  In the act of piling my papers together, I can’t help straightening in shock, wondering how in the world she’s figured that out. “E-excuse me?”

  “Oh, come on, you don’t have to hide it.” Sally rolls her eyes. “I saw the way he was totally eye-fucking you when he dropped by your cubicle yesterday. So now he’s gotten you a promotion so you’d owe him a favor. Isn’t that right?”

  Realizing that Sally had gotten it wrong completely – or at least partially – I try to mask my relief, stammering, “It’s n-not right, at all.” I hurriedly gather the rest of my stuff, all the while feeling Sally’s suspicious gaze following my every move.

  “Just be careful, little girl.”

  “I’m only a year younger,” I can’t help mumbling.

  “In age,” Sally shoots back, “but in experience?” She shakes her head. “Mr. Bryant may look like a gentleman, but he’s a wolf hiding in sheep’s clothing. So if you think this exchange of favors is innocent on his part…” Her voice trails off meaningfully.

  “Thank you for your concern,” I say stiltedly, “But nothing is going on between Mr. Bryant and me.”

  “Sure. Whatever you say.” It’s obvious the other girl doesn’t believe me at all, and when I make it past all the evil stares thrown my way and I get to my new office digs, I realize that there’s another person who doesn’t believe me.

  As soon as the door closes behind me, Mr. Beautiful pounces, and I let out a little gasp as I suddenly find myself trapped between the wall and his hard body.

  “Everyone thinks you and David are dating.” His voice is cold, but his green eyes are the opposite, burning bright with jealousy that makes me shudder in wanton response. Is it bad that I love seeing him so possessive about me?

  Even so, I shake my head, saying weakly, “S-Sally isn’t everybody, and you of all people know the---mmph!”

  His mouth slams down on me, his tongue thrusting forcefully past my lips and with a silent moan of surrender against his lips I kiss him back, my arms going around his neck.

  The kiss deepens, and his body pushes harder towards me.

  “Remember what we talked about,” he mutters against my lips.

  “Y-yes.” The word comes out a whimper as his mouth moves down my neck and I feel his lips nibbling on the sensitive skin.

  Walking me to my door last night, Ethan had given me one last toe-curling kiss…as well as a warning.

  This is the only reprieve you’ll get, and if I catch David even looking at you the wrong way, the deal is off and I take things into my own hands.

  The mere memory of it is enough to make my toes curl hard and my body extra sensitive, so much so that I can’t help moaning out loud as his fingers brush ever so gently against my already erect nipples.

  “You like that?” Ethan asks hoarsely.

  I can only nod, unable to say the words out loud.

  His eyes gleam. “Then say it,” he purrs. “Say it and I’ll eat your breasts…”

  Aaaaaaaaah.

  “I’ll suck on your nipples so damn hard you’ll see stars.”

  Oh Goooooood.

  “So say it,” he rasps.

  My eyes close.

  It’s beginning again, I think dazedly.

  This dance with the devil that’s so irresistibly seductive.

  And I hear myself choke out, “Please.”

  “Please what?”

  “P-please kiss my breasts.”

  “Ah, baby.” The lazy sound of his chuckle is so achingly sexy I can’t help jerking against his body, and he chuckles again. “You know I’ll do more than kiss you,” he growls, “but that will do for now.”

  His fingers move with rapid finesse over the buttons of my blouse, and soon after my bra falls free and my breasts pop out. I only have time to draw my breath at my sudden half-naked state when his head dips and he makes good on his promise.

  My head falls back as he cups my breasts, squeezing the flesh hard as his lips draw one pink nipple in.

  Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

  He begins to suck. Hard. So, so hard. It’s exactly as he promised.

  And it’s making me lose my mind.

  When it seems like he’s never going to stop and my toes are likely to stay curled, he finally releases my nipple, allowing me one brief moment to gasp and draw some air into my lungs.

  But then he goes back to my other nipple, and it starts all over again.

  Oh God.

  I hope this never stops.

  My fingers drive through his hair, and when he bites my nipple I can’t help tightening my grip.

  “Wildcat,” Ethan rasps.

  I can’t answer. He’s gone back to sucking my nipple, but this time it’s accompanied by the movement of his fingers. I feel it brushing down my bare stomach, and I moan. He dips into my skirt, its waistband expanding to accommodate his hand.

  “I’m going to make you come…”

  His fingers dip inside my panties next, and my eyes fly wide open.

  Oh God. First thing in the morning and---

  And---

  One finger slowly but steadily thrusts inside my pussy, and my lips part in a silent gasp.

  The thrust of his finger maintains a gentle pace at the start before gradually picking up speed and becoming just a little bit more and more forceful---

  Another finger joins in, and I start to unravel.

  His mouth goes back to my nipple and suddenly pleasure is striking me from every direction. His fingers inside my pussy, his other hand squeezing my breast, and his mouth sucking hard on my nipple---

  Oh God.

  I start writhing under him, my fingers clutching his head as I desperately push my nipple deeper into my mouth while my hips move involuntarily, wanting more of his fingers.

  More. More. More.

  I don’t want it to end.

  Oh God.

  Oh God.

  But soon my toes start to curl oh so hard and my throat starts to tighten that I can barely breathe.

  I know it’s coming, and I find myself torn, wanting it so much to happen but at the same time wanting to delay it because I want to savor and prolong Ethan’s exquisite torture.

  “Ethaaaaaaan.”

  I can’t help whimpering his name out as my head tosses and turns against the wall.

  A third finger slips inside of me.

  And just like that it’s all over.

  I scream hard as I come, my fingers clutching his head even as I thrust my hip forward over and over, wanting his fingers to go as deep as it can inside my pussy.

  When it’s all over I let Ethan sweep me up in his arms, too tired to protest anything. When he takes me with him to his leather chair I just curl in his lap, my body so deliciously spent that I can’t even make myself feel concerned that I’m half naked while he’s already zipped himself and looks every inch the powerful CEO he is.

  He starts to stroke my hair, and it feels so wonderful that I can’t help closing my eyes and snuggling closer to him.

  Ethan chuckles. “You’re like a kitten when you do that.”

  “Your fault,” I mumble even as I promise myself that I’d just give myself five more minutes and then I’ll go back to being professional – like I should have been from the start. The thought makes me sigh a little.

  “What is it?” Ethan asks right away.

  I manage to stir myself up, lifting my head to meet his gaze as I say uncertainly, “I don’t think we should do this all the time. It would be unfair.”

  “Unfair?” Ethan’s visibly bemused.

  “B-because they’re working while I’m---”

  His eyes widen. “Ah.” And his lips start to twitch. “Do you mean it’s unfair that you’re having fun while they’re not?” His tone turns mockingly polite as he asks, “Shall I be fair to the other women then? Shall I also give them an orgasm---”

  Aghast at the way he’s twisted my words, I blurt out, “No!” And because the thought alone of what he’s suggesting is so vile, I can’t help beating his chest. “Just no!” Ethan starts to laugh, and I beat his chest again. “Jerk!”

  He captures my hand and brings it to his lips, murmuring, “Then you must learn how to bear with me being unfair because you’re the only woman I’ll want in this lifetime.”

  As always, his sweet words catch me off guard, and for one moment I can only stare at him, heart pounding and aching at the same time.

  Ethan sighs. “You don’t believe me.” His tone is softly chiding.

  “It’s just…” I shrug helplessly. “I still don’t know understand why or how you’d want me.”

  “I ask myself the same thing, too, baby.”

  My eyes widen. “No, you wouldn’t!”

  He cups my face, saying flatly, “I’m not lying. Every time I hold you, the urge to lock you away gets stronger. I don’t want to risk not being around if you ever wake up realizing that you deserve someone much better than me.”

  Someone could be better than Mr. Beautiful?

  “That’s impossible,” I blurt out.

  “Is it?”

  “I only want to be with you,” I say earnestly.

  “Good.” And when his lips start to curve I realize it’s what he’s planned all along for me to say.

  “You jerk.” I shake my head, amused and exasperated at the same time.

  His smirk is all kinds of sexy and cocky as he purrs, “Yet you only want to be with me.”

  I turn red.

  “And since you’re already thinking that---” His finger starts to trace my lip. “What do
you think about forgetting this arrangement and just letting everyone know that you are with me?”

  And of course this was Step 2 in his plan, I realize. I honestly should have seen it coming, and maybe I should be just a little bit annoyed at how he’s manipulated me from the start---

  But I’m not.

  It’s not possible.

  How can you be annoyed when a man like Ethan Alexander is acting like claiming you is his biggest priority?

  It’s simply too surreal for someone like me, and in the end I can only give him a look of guilty apology.

  “I guess that’s a no.” The fingers on my lip turn still.

  When they start to move away, I react impulsively, unable to stop myself from reaching out for his hand and gripping it tightly between mine. “A-are you mad?”

  Ethan blinks. “Why should I?”

  “Because I’m being stubborn?”

  “You are being stubborn,” he acknowledges, “but I don’t mind at all since you also made the point moot.”

  I freeze.

  What did he mean…I made the point moot?

  He raises a brow. “Did I ever say anything about this room being soundproof?”

  Oh my God.

  My face whitens as the truth of his words hit me.

  All those sounds I made---

  “Oh my God.” This time, I whisper the words out loud. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

  “I’m not.” He swings the chair around to face the desk, and when I struggle to get off his lap, his arm tightens around my waist. “I have something to show you.” Ethan reaches for the keyboard with his free hand and I watch him pull out CCTV footage with a few clicks.

  He rewinds to a few minutes back, with the various scenes on the monitor showing different parts of the executive office.

  “Now watch and listen.”

  Ethan presses Play.

  The first thing I hear is the faint but unmistakable sounds of a woman’s sexual moans---

  And that’s me, I realize with a shudder of horror.

  People walking in the hallway slow down and halt. They look at each other before bolting towards their respective offices almost in planned synchrony.

  A few moments pass, and other people are suddenly coming out of their offices at the same time, and although the hallway is soon filled to overflowing, everything remains conspicuously silent, with the only noise coming from---

  I flinch when a drawn-out scream fills the hallway.

  Oh my God.

  That was me, too!

  Ethan ends the replay.

  Time ticks by but I still can’t make myself look at him.

  “Evan?”

  I don’t answer.

  “It’s done.”

  Yes, I think numbly. It is done. And I know it’s entirely my fault but even so---

  “Evan---”

  I suddenly can’t bear him touching me and I jerk away, shocking both of us.

  His hand falls to his side.

  I peel myself away from him clumsily, and he doesn’t stop me this time.

  Good.

  It’s good that he’s not stopping me.

  Right?

  His gaze stays at me as I move across the room, my face flaming as I pick up my strapless bra and put it on. Turning my back on him, I start to button my blouse but for some reason I keep ending up with mismatched holes and I’m forced to redo it all over again.

  “Let me.”

  Hearing the words so close makes me jump. I hadn’t even noticed when he started to move.

  When Ethan starts to turn me to face him, I mumble, “It’s okay---”

  “Please.”

  We face each other, and seeing the taut expression on his handsome face makes me feel inexplicably tired. I don’t even have the energy to feel nervous, sad, or angry, and all I can do is stay still as Ethan buttons my blouse. He does it perfectly, of course, and in mere seconds I’m back to looking my usual prim, ordinary self.

  “I’m sorry, Evan.” Ethan’s tone is grim. “I didn’t know it would make you feel this way.”

  “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” Yes, he could’ve warned me, but there shouldn’t have been a need for a warning in the first place if I hadn’t let myself gotten so carried away.

  “But you’re furious with me.”

  With my gaze still trained on the carpeted floor, I say awkwardly, “It’s more like…I feel…” I swallow hard. “I feel like I wasn’t asking for so much when I asked for time, but you took that away from me.”

  “Evan---”

  I shake my head, and lifting my gaze to him, I say shakily, “The thing I loved the most about this whole thing between us is that you never made me feel forced. You always made me feel like I have a choice, but this time…it’s different.” Coldness sweeps over me as the reality of my words set in, and I hug myself tightly. “You’ve pushed me too hard, and now I just want…space.”

  Chapter 7

  Could he be watching now? Despite the walls – the distance – separating us, there are instances when I feel his gaze so strongly it’s as if Mr. Beautiful is standing right in front of me.

  But he’s not.

  In fact, we haven’t even been within three feet of each other for over a month now, and when our glances meet it’s as if we’re both invisible.

  My fingers pause over the keyboard at the painful thought, and I have to draw my breath so I can start typing again.

  You asked for space, my inner badass retorts, so why aren’t you celebrating?

  It’s too easy a question it’s making me feel depressed that I’m unable to answer it. Don’t you just hate it when you can’t answer your own questions? It had never been like this before. Having been a loner and an introvert my entire life, it used to be that I understood myself perfectly and it was the world I didn’t understand.

  So why is it the opposite now?

  Even knowing I’m giving myself away I can’t help it, my gaze darting towards where I know the hidden camera is.

  Does he see me now, looking at the camera like I’m looking at him?

  I force myself to look away and start typing again. If I really wanted to end things between us, I should’ve gotten rid of the cameras first thing. But I haven’t. So what does that say about me?

  Sometime before lunch break I hear people talking about him leaving the office to meet with a beautiful French lady at reception. Of course they say this in whispers loud enough to reach my ears, and of course I feel their gazes turning my way as they wait for me to react.

  After that day I had submitted a formal request to his office, requesting for a cancellation of my so-called promotion because I considered myself unfit for the job. He had H.R. email me, approving of my request, and returning to my cubicle was a horrific walk of shame.

  Everyone believed that he – Mr. Beautiful – had gotten bored of me, and I’ve never bothered to say otherwise. What was the point? I don’t even feel like I have the right to call him Ethan now.

  The space I’ve asked for seems impossible to get rid of now, and I’m in no position to complain. It’s what I asked for.

  And it’s a good thing, I tell myself. Maybe I’m still adjusting, but eventually life should go back to normal and everything will be predictable and peaceful. After all, bad boys like Mr. Beautiful have never been my type so maybe being attracted to him was just a phase.

  Right?

  My mind wants to say yes, but my heart refuses, and feeling like I’m being split into two from the inside I leave my cubicle in a restless fit. I haven’t had lunch yet, but since I don’t have any appetite I simply head down to the vendo next to the elevator doors.

  A granola and energy drink should be enough, I decide as I insert a bill into the slot.

  Bending down to take my insta-lunch, I hear the elevator doors slide open and stiffen.

  Surely I can’t be so unlucky that it would be---

  Behind me, I hear a rush of greetings erupt.

  Good afternoon, Mr. Alexander.

  Shick. Frack. Drat.

  I take my time to straighten up, but even so I still catch sight of them – Mr. Beautiful and the lovely Frenchwoman with her equally lovely swaying blond hair and svelte figure – heading to his office.

  Her hips sway gently with her every step, and I can’t help gaping at the way she keeps brushing her side against his.

  To his defense, he doesn't reciprocate the gesture in any way, but he doesn’t push her away either.